Post COVID relationships
Many of us have been in quarantine for a few weeks now and we don’t know when it will end or if we will ever get back to our old “normal” lives. Social distancing and self isolation are especially challenging considering that humans are social animals – we crave social interaction to encourage cooperation which increases our chances for survival. So not only are we living in times of high uncertainty, but moreover many of us have to cope without social support. It is no wonder that many of us find ourselves in a constant state of worry and anxiety. We may worry about our loved ones, our finances, our health and safety – and revert to “Fight or Flight” modus.
Fight or flight” refers to the human body’s innate response to a perceived threat: It prepares the body to either face danger or quickly run from it. During fight or flight, the brain releases stress hormones that push the body into high alert (e.g.. increased heart rate, muscle tension, and racing thoughts). Although today we don’t face the same threats as our ancestors did, our fight-or-flight response system remains intact. This means that any fearful situation can trigger it and it can be an event as small as running late to an appointment. Our brains can’t distinguish between not making it on time or encountering a wild lion in the Savanna. Needless to say, a pandemic like the current Covid-19 is considered a major life stressor and our brains go into high alert mode “WARNING, BIG LION AHEAD!”
So how does this relate to Relationships?
The problem with anxiety is not only that it can lead to depression, addictions and health problems (and FYI, addictions thrive in isolation), but besides the self harm anxiety can cause, it can also turn into anger and fuel for destruction directed at others. According to the UN and the WHO, the Covid-19 pandemic has seen a significant global rise in domestic violence against women. There are also debates about whether this pandemic will cause a baby or divorce boom.
This pandemic is like nothing we have ever seen, and without a reference for how to cope it is no wonder that for many of us this is a challenging time on both a personal and inter-personal level. However, some of us, depending on certain factors like for example our personality, will be especially vulnerable while others may not be as negatively affected. Some of us in romantic relationships will find that quarantine threatens our bonds while others may see this as an opportunity to strengthen our romantic bonds.
My research shows that there are important individual differences in attachment style that played a role in how couples experienced being locked down together. If you experienced problems with your partner or had your relationship end due to COVID, please feel free to reach out, I would be happy to answer your question and shine some light on your circumstances.