Happy Valentine’s Day Love-Evolvers,

Today I want to share some tips with you on how your relationship can get the most out of this Valentine’s Day. Relationship research including my own during the time of COVID showed that many couples feel less connected, emotionally, and sexually, due to an increase of stress and conflict.

The irony is that most of us think that we are probably spending too much time with our partners due to COVID, especially those of us who are working from home – but research shows that many of us still feel disconnected from our partners and that’s because we are spending “quantity time” together. This means that we are sharing the same space together, but we are emotionally checked out and focused on other things like our work, phones, social media, Netflix. 

Instead, Valentine’s Day should be about quality time which means that we need to set intentional time aside to focus on our partner – this is crucial for sparking desire. Quality time is crucial for sparking desire.

That’s why I think Valentine’s Day is exactly what couples need –we can actually use this day as an opportunity to spend quality time to connect with our intimate partner and give our intimacy a boost.

The key to quality time is cutting out distractions and focusing on each other so here are some tips on how you can do this:

·       Set some tech boundaries – meaning, put your phones away!

·       Treat it like a real date. Clean up and dress – even if you’re staying home. Putting in effort in our appearance shows our partner we care; besides, you wouldn’t go on a date in sweatpants – not very sexy!

·       Talk to each other about things you can bond over, such as reliving great memories or planning a future vacation – going down memory lane reminds us of our history together and makes us feel more connected. And getting excited about the future together will give us the dopamine boost we need in the bedroom.

·       Complement each other—tell your partner what you appreciate about them.

·       Touch each other frequently, whether that’s holding hands, kissing, or rubbing their back or shoulders. Make each other feel good, inside-and-out.

·       Try a new activity together – you could make a dinner reservation at a new restaurant you haven’t tried or if you’re home you could play a game (e.g., “Let’s get closer” (couples edition) by Intelligent change)

Remember, Valentine’s Day is not an obligation, don’t celebrate it because everyone else is doing it – instead, look at it as an opportunity to deeply connect with your intimate partner and develop a new level of intimacy. Do it because your relationship is important to you, and you want to make it even stronger.