That Girl Evolved
As dating options have increased and technology has opened up a whole new world of dating possibilities, many find themselves confused, hopeless or desperate. Thinking there’s something wrong with them because others seem to find and keep love, while they struggle. They turn to their family and friends for advice, films, books, social media and google - desperately looking for help and answers – but the information is saturated and even more confusing. That’s because most dating advice is based on opinions, beliefs and anecdotal evidence – meaning that people’s advice, although well-meant is based on their own experience, and their individual value and belief system. If that sounds like you, you are not alone. I too have been there.
I used to be a hopeless romantic. From a very young age I would devour romance novels, watch every single romantic comedy that came out. I always believed in the power of love and it was the focus of my creative writing. Is it any wonder I moved from my hometown in Germany to pursue a career in Hollywood? Being a young girl and writer navigating the dating scene in LA, I wrote a screenplay about my experiences which was optioned by a production company and laid the foundation for my dating advice column in the Santa Monica Daily Press. The irony of it was that my personal dating life was nothing but disappointment and drama. Needless to say, I felt like an imposter. Who was I to give dating advice? However, the occasional emails from readers who reached out to thank me for my articles made me realize that this work was important, because no matter our age, gender, background, how educated or successful we are or where we come from, LOVE is a human universal.
Although we are all born with an innate attachment system that motivates us to form attachment and intimate connection with others, we often don’t know how to actually create intimacy and real connection, because we are not aware of these subconscious forces that are guiding our behavior. We all want connection – yet most of us are clueless about how to establish and maintain it. For example, some readers reported that they just got divorced after 25 years of marriage and were not able to move on, others reached out with more questions about how to break their habits that were stopping them from committing, while others wanted to know if their relationship was beyond the point of repair. The more I would receive these messages, the more I felt the need to help these people – but giving advice based on pop psychology and personal anecdotes was not the way. Most importantly, I needed to walk the talk.
Goodbye Hollywood, Hello Academia
On a mission to “hack” love, I packed my bags, quit my dating advice column and pursued a full-time MSc in Psychology in London. That’s when I discovered Evolutionary Psychology and Attachment Theory. I was blown away by how much of our behavior in dating can be explained by these frameworks. It was like a light bulb went on. My passion for these subjects led me to pursue a PhD, and here I am, a doctoral relationship researcher at last turned dating and relationship coach.
Relationship researchers are studying what makes people attracted to each other, what makes relationships work, and which couples are more likely to break up. For instance, the Gottman Lab can predict whether a couple is heading for divorce with a 94% accuracy.
Connection does not simply happen, we need to work at creating it. And the love that you want in your life is not going to make itself happen, it’s not going to manage itself, you have to manage it.
First, we need to throw out our old beliefs about love and relationships
Second, we need to apply the research backed tools to attract and maintain a relationship
Through my professional education and own research in relationships, I discovered I was not unlucky in love, but that I was simply separated by a vail of misinformation and bad advice about love and relationships and once I gained the scientific knowledge and research-backed tools, the vail was lifted and I became a hopeful romantic who can’t wait to share my expert advice and relationship hacks with you that have also made a huge difference to my personal love life - I recently got married to the most dreamy and supportive partner, best friend and greatest teacher in love.
So if you are ready to transform your love life, Love Evolved is the place for you. I invite you to lift the veil and begin your journey to finding and keeping love.
At Love Evolved you will:
Learn about your sexual strategy
Learn about your mate value in the dating market
Learn about your attachment style
Learn how your (and partner’s) personality traits affect your dating/relationship
Learn how to keep the spark alive
Learn how stress affects your relationship and how you can manage it
Love-Evolved is founded on the belief that anyone can be in a great relationship by cultivating skills grounded in relationship research – just like we need to exercise and eat healthy to stay in shape, we need to work on our relationship muscle. Each post will contain easy love hacks you can use to grow your relationship muscle and reach couple goals.
No matter if you are single and looking for love, struggling in a current relationship, or simply want to take your relationship to the next level, sign up for the newsletter and become a Love Evolver.